Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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