fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
