Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
this will be a night to untag.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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