Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?