So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i love accidental penises.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?