U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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