I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.