vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.