i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.