But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.