Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch