My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
