i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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