hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
