My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
