Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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