; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
