the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
