The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize