I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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