i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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