4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
