I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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