You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
