Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
