At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
