the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
