I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
