I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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