I got chris browned last night
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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