That's when you crack a 10am beer
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
