And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
