I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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