the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
