just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
