just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
