I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
