you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
