My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
