everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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