I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
