life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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