we have pet lesbian snakes
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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