Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize