She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
