i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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