Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
