How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
