I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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