My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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