there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
