Midget sex pt 2 tonight
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This beer is not sobering me up at all
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
