It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
