Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
