I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
