I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
