Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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