I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
