Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
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