i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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