So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
