I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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