I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
