Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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