at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
