what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
