I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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