I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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