Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
